It was a very uneventful day, but an extremely eventful night... lemme tell ya.  I woke up this morning around 11:30 and basically sat around all day in my pajamas and cleaned.  Really boring, I know.  My mom told me if I didn't clean my room, which was getting really bad, that I couldn't go out tonight, so I was forced.  Around 3:30 Becky, Catey, and I decided we were gonna go and see "Princess Diaries 2" at Amherst Cinema at 7.  So I showered and got ready to go when my family decided they wanted to go out to eat.  However, this wasn't until 5:30, so I was kind of screwed, considering I had to leave at 6.  We decided to go to Angelo's so I could just scarf a salad really quick.  I ended up running to the theatre before I picked up the girls and getting pre-sale tickets so we really didn't have to worry about the movie getting sold out.  So I went to pick up Becky and Catey and we drove back to the theatre.  We got to the theatre around 6:40, so we had a while before the movie started. It's a good thing we got there early though, cuz it ended up being super crowded.  Anyway, I felt really loved when we walked in the theatre cuz Sara was there with her XC team and she noticed me right away and came running up and told me to sit with them.  I love Sara, I was excited to see her there.  And I also saw Erica Gigliotti, she's so adorable. Becky and Catey were jealous cuz they said I had like a fan club... it was funny.  The movie was amazing, I totally recommend seeing it.  I thought it was even better than the first one.  But it's one of those movies that makes you want a boy real bad, but that's ok, props to the "Princess Diaries" people for making a great 2nd movie.. those are hard.
   After the movie, we said goodbye to Sara and Catey, Becky, and I decided to go get ice cream at Hastee Tastee so we drove over there.  We tried to call Leila like 20 times to see what she was up too, but she wasn't answering her phone.  So finally we called Sam and Leila was with her.  Sam was having a bon fire at her house so after we got ice cream we decided to stop over Sam's for a while.  While we were pulling up to Sam's, Shane was leaving so that was kind of dissapointing because I didn't get to talk with him much.  But Anthony was there, so I was excited to hang out with him.  We kind of hung out there for a little while, but soon got "bored" and wanted to leave.  So I took Catey home cuz her niece and nephew were at her house so she had to go home, and Becky came over for a little while.  Thank God for Becky, I got lots off my chest tonight.  There's been some stuff bugging me lately, and it was nice to talk to her about it.  Especially since some stuff happened today that kind of upset me, but let's not talk about that.  You see, she's going through a lot of the same stuff I'm struggling with at the moment, so we talked outside by the pool for like an hour and then I felt better.  Thanks Becky, I love you girl! 
   Around 11, I went to take Becky home and almost ran a red light, and there was a cop like right behind me.  I was so scared, my heart dropped for the second time tonight.  But he didn't pull me over or anything.  Thank you God.  Conclusion: I seem to be thanking God for a lot tonight, maybe it wasn't as bad of a night as I thought. 
   That's about it for today.  I don't really know what to make of the day, actually.  It was one of those half good/half bad days.  I have lots of thinking to do.  Sometimes I wish I wouldn't have put this blog in my info because there's lots of stuff I'd like to write, but I wouldn't really particularly like people to read.  Oh well, maybe some secrets are meant to be kept secrets.  Goodnight everyone.  Hopefully tomorrow will be better.  I'm still waiting for that miracle.

   I'm so proud of myself.  I realized today that this is my 26th entry in this blog and I think (actually I know) that is the most I've ever written in a blog/diary/journal in my entire life!  This is great.  Except lately I haven't been doing too good at updating and I need to be better about that.  School starts soon, and I'm sure I'll be way behind once I start going from school to golf to theatre every day.  So enjoy the every day updates while they last!
   I believe when I left you last, I was about ready to go to voice lessons.  I was all excited because I thought for sure that was going to be my last lesson, but she changed the recital from this Saturday to next Saturday, so I have one more lesson.  I'm soo nervous about this stupid recital thing.  She's making it out to be much more of a big deal than I pictured it.  She's making programs and serving cake and stuff afterwards and everything.  I really don't wanna do this.  I hate singing in front of people, by myself.  I mean, I don't mind when I'm just joking around, but I'm gonna make a huge fool of myself.  Conclusion: I admit it... I'm scared. 
   Anyway, after voice lessons, I came home and ate dinner and then sat around for a while trying to figure out something to do.  Mihok called me and I ended up talking on the phone with her for like 2 hours about absolutely nothing.  I love doing that.  There are only a few people I can talk too for hours on the phone about nothing importana and she is definitely one of them.  Not 10 minutes after I hung up with Mihok, Amber called me.  I ended up talking to her for another hour and started to go downstairs when Mihok called again.  I ended up talking on the phone Tuesday night for at least 5 hours.  It was crazy.  I finally had to hang up with Mihok *again* because my throat hurt and my mouth was dry. haha So Tuesday was kind of a slow night.  However, Wednesday made up for it. 
   I woke up on Wednesday morning for my last day of golf tryouts.  I golfed with Sara and Andrea.  I didn't do too well, but it was definitely better than Tuesday.  I shot a difficult 66 and was alright with that.  After golf, I drove Becky home and then drove over to Amber's house.  We were supposed to go visit the Kernohans for a while, since neither of us had anything to do Wednesday afternoon, but when I got to Amber's we called them and they weren't home.  I was kind of dissapointed.  I really wanted to talk to them about possibly setting up a lunch date with my parents about the Australia trip.  Plus I really love just visiting with them.  They're like my second family.  I miss Alison though.  A lot. 
   So since the Kernohans weren't home, Amber and I did what we always do when we're together, we got Taco Bell, and then laid on her couches and slept. It was great, I was tired.  I left Amber's around 2:30 and came home to shower and stuff.  When I got home, Leila, Catey, Becky, and I decided we were gonna go to Olde Town for dinner then go to Becky's house to watch movies and stuff.  My mother wasn't very happy about this when I told her, because supposedly she'd spent a while making dinner and no one was going to be home to eat it.  I think she's PMSing or something lately, cuz she's been getting on my bad side a lot.  Anyway, despite my mother's episode, Becky and I met Leila and Catey at Olde Town where Anthony was working.  I was real excited to see him, cuz I always am, and we ate and talked to him for a while.  Leila told us she wasn't allowed to go out to Becky's house but we could go to her house so that's what we decided to do.  We went to drug mart and got "Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights" which happens to be the greatest movie ever and went back to Lei's to watch it.  Half way through the movie, Joe called Lei's cell and he stopped over for a while.  That was also very exciting cuz I love Joe and haven't seen him since like school ended.  We reminisced about old Consumer Ec times and then he left.  After watching Dirty Dancing, we decided we wanted to dance so we went outside in Leila's driveway and cranked up the music in her car and danced for like 2 hours.  It was great.  We found that I was a very good shimmy-er, haha, and Sam came over and taught us how to pole dance and dance on cars.  It was hilarious.  Then Mike Bryda called Leila's cell and he stopped over with Shane!  I was super excited cuz he was the third guy in one night that I hadn't seen in forever.  I danced with Shane for a while and then he left.  I drove the girls home and then came home in a very good mood.  Wednesday night was a great night, I love my golf girls so much!!! :D
   Since I didn't get a phone call from Yunker saying I was cut, I went to practice this morning at 8:45 and found out no one had gotten cut.  That was kind of exciting, but nothing major.  I could have guessed it.  I got to play with Becky again today, as well as Andrea.  I did really well, scoring a 58, even though we did cheat with Zvara a little ;)  After golf, we got our new bags and shirts and stuff and then I went with Becky, Leila, and Catey to Hot Dog Heaven for lunch.  On our way to HDH, we passed  by the High School where the marching band was practicing and we saw Steve.  He jumped on top of my car as we were passing, drum and all, and decided he wanted to come and eat with us, since they were just getting off for lunch.  So he came up to HDH with us and ate, while we told stories to the girls on how Steve almost killed us numerous times.  Steve's a very dangerous person to drive with.  After lunch we drove Steve back to band and I drove Becky home and came home to shower.  After showering, I finally cleaned out my car, which I hadn't done in like a month and now it looks all nice inside.  My dad was happy.  Then I IMed Sara, cuz neither of us were doing anything and I went over her house to eat brownies and ice cream.  We ate and talked for a while, then played Super Nintendo, which I suck at... but I'm getting better!!  We then decided to watch a movie and put in KIDSONGS and danced to all the cool songs.. it was great.  During the "These Bones" song... Jessica, Kelly, and Lindsay came to the window and scared us half to death.  So we invited them in and they danced with us for a while until we all had to leave.  I love Sara so incredibly much.  I always have a good time when I'm around her... she makes me laugh like no other... thanks for everything Sara!
   Tonight turned out to be a great night as well.  This has overall been a pretty good week I think.  It didn't start out too well, but it's getting better.  School starts in 2 weeks and I'm not looking forward to it.  I'm really nervous about TV class.  What if the people don't like me... I don't know many of them very well.  Hopefully everything will work out ok.  It's time for bed now.  Sweet Dreams.  Comment with love.

*Buy me a rose*

   Let me apologize, yet again, in advance for this probably being a super long and boring entry.  I really haven't blogged since like Tuesday (not counting last nights blog which was just kind of me venting and I will explain later) and a lot has happened since then.  Here we go...
   Well after getting home from band camp on Tuesday, I was in such a good mood.  I had just had a really fun night spending time with all my cool band friends and with Rania so life was great.  Wednesday morning I woke up and didn't have to change or anything because the girls came to my house instead of me going to there house for babysitting.  I love Wednesdays because all I have to do is sit around in my sweatpants all day while my sister plays with the girls... so that's basically what my day consisted of.  However I was supposed to have a golf clinic at Deer Track at 2, so Leila came to pick me up around 1:30.  It was pouring rain outside.  I still don't know why we just didn't call Yunker instead of driving out there to figure out the clinic was cancelled.  Oh well.  At least I got out of the house for like 30 minutes.  So after getting soaked I came home and sat around for the rest of the day.  I was supposed to do something with Matt that night, but didn't for some reason.  I don't really remember what I did Wednesday night as a matter of fact.  Actually, I was supposed to do something with Matt like every night last week, but we just never got around to it... sorry 'bout that one Matt. 
   So, since I can't remember what I did the rest of Wednesday, I'll just move on to Thursday.  I woke up super early on Thursday to go babysit at 7:45.  But at least it was the last time this summer I'll have to wake up that early, it was my last Thursday babysitting.  The day didn't go too bad, I don't remember specifically what I did, considering I've babysat so much this summer the days tend to just blend together after a while.  It must not have been too bad of a day though, otherwise I would have remembered it.  All I remember is dropping the girl's off at gymnastics and heading to pick up Leila, Catey, and Sam for another golf clinic at 4.  It didn't rain on Thursday, so we actually had a clinic.  It was the first time our team was together, except not everyone showed.  There were lots of new girls, so I started to feel the "upperclassman" coming out in me.  It was great.  I love feeling old.  All the new girls seemed pretty nice, except this one who was kind of snotty, but it could just be one of those stupid first impression type things.  Conclusion: Never ever judge anyone on first impressions... they're never right.  The clinic overall went pretty well.  Yunker said I was improving even though I have a big tendency to hit to the right.  I don't think I hit one ball to the left.  It was crazy.  I don't know what's wrong with me.  I'll work on it.  After golf Catey, Sam, Becky, and I decided we wanted to hang out that night because none of us had anything to do and I never hang out with them.  Plus I figured it would take my mind off how much I missed my band kids.  So I came home and scarfed down some chicken, showered, and Becky came over. Then we went to pick up Catey and tried to pick up Sam but she wasn't home and went to the movies to see "I, Robot".  Catey had already seen it and I felt kinda bad, I hope she didn't mind spending $8 to see it again.  But it was a REALLY good movie.  I totally recommend seeing it.  And I had fun with the girls... I forgot how much I missed my golf friends.  I dropped them off at home and drove home and went to bed.
   I woke up on Friday morning for my last day of babysitting for the summer.  I wasn't sure what time I was supposed to be there, because she forgot to tell me on Thursday, so I just showed up at 9.  It turned out that was ok, thank god, so things were good.  I was kind of surprised with myself that I was kinda sad babysitting was over.  Like, in a way, I was happy because it was a pain getting up every morning and working like 7 hours a day.  But it was kind of sad because I knew I wouldn't see the girls for a long time and I really love them to death.  And also I knew the summer was coming to an end and golf and school were starting soon.  *Plus I have to say I'm going to miss the money more than anything... is that greedy??*  Anyway, the last day was kind of sad.  We ended up painting with watercolors for the last like 2 hours and they painted me pictures and it was so cute.  I still have them in my car I think.  I finally left their house for the last time around 5 and came home expecting to do something.  However, I didn't end up doing anything, once again.  I got invited to go to Mihok's house for a while after she got off work, but my dad wouldn't let me.  So I just worked on Sara's birthday present, cuz I still had some things to finish with it.  Friday was just another "blah" day.
   Saturday morning I woke up sometime around noon and went to cash my last paycheck at the bank.  My mom didn't make me put half of it in the bank, so I was excited.  I came home and got a phone call from Amber asking if I wanted to go to the St. Pete's Festival with her around 5.  I agreed and showered and got all ready to go and she called at 5 and said we wouldn't be going til around 6.  So I was kind of disappointed that I got all ready to go and then had to wait around for another hour.  It's all good though.  Finally around 6, I got a call from Steve saying he was at the festival bored out of his mind so I went and met him there.  It was cool to see him cuz I hadn't seen him in a while.  We walked around for like 10 minutes until Amber finally got there and then we talked Steve's aunt into letting him come to Rania's bonfire with us.  His aunt is so cute-p.s.  After persuading her that I was a good driver and would take very good care of him we left the festival. First we stopped at Rania's so she could have her makeup she left in my car from Tuesday before everyone came over.  Then we ran to Amber's house so she could get clothes and stuff cuz she was staying the night at Rania's.  Her house was locked and she couldn't get in anywhere but the garage.  She was kind of upset but Steve and I found a tandom bike in her garage and started riding, just to find out that we suck at riding a tandom bike.  haha.  It was hilarious...  we also figured out that we definitely weren't skilled enough to make-out while turning around on a tandom bike, right Steve?!?!  Just Kidding.  After our tandom bike adventure we drove to Rite-Aid so Amber could get some stuff she needed since she couldn't get in her house.  I ended up giving Steve a piggy-back ride and we knocked over a bunch of deoderant while falling over in the aisle.  The Rite-Aid lady wasn't too happy with us.  Steve bought me some Chunky Monkey ice cream and him some Brush-Ups and we went to Rania's.  Rania's house was fun.  I got to see some people I haven't seen in a while like Teresa, Kaylin, Danielle, Jake, Lizzy, and some other cool people.  I just don't feel like listing all of them.  Amber and Steve both peed themselves on the swing... not really... but it looked like they did.  Amber also decided that Steve and I were gonna end up getting married and we decided we would polka at our wedding.  It was a fun night.  I came home around 12:30 and went to sleep happy. 
   Sunday started out really good.  But overall ended horribly.  This was the night of my "last" entry in this blog and I was very upset.  It started with my mom waking me up around 11:30 so we could go out to breakfast.  It was nice considering I haven't gone out to breakfast in a very long time.  When I came home, I was talking to Mihok on the phone when Tony rode up on his bike.  I love how Tony likes to just randomly show up at my house.  It makes me happy when people show up unexpected... I love good surprises.  He was all sweaty and stuff though cuz he'd been riding since like 8:30 that morning.  He's trying to get fit "like Arnold" and do a triatholan.  (excuse the spelling)  I really respect him for that, he's a cool kid.  After Tony left, my mom decided she wanted to go golfing with me considering tryouts started Monday.  I agreed- big mistake.  I swear I will never golf with my mother again.  She just drove me crazy.  I don't even know why.  Maybe it was just because I was having a horrible game and she was playing the "game of her life".  I don't know.  I usually beat her, and she smoked me.  It sucked.  So I came home and got a call from Steve saying to meet him at the festival again because he was stuck there and bored out of his mind.  So I started to get ready to go, when he called back and said he was going to World Market with his cousin so forget about it.  I didn't mind, I was tired.  When he got back we decided to go surprise Amber at her dad's house in Avon and kidnap her for a while since she's bored out of her mind.  So I picked him up at the festival and we drove to Avon almost getting shot by Puerto Rican guys and having to make a U-turn in the BJ's parking lot.  I never have any luck when driving with Steve, but he sure makes the car ride hilarious.  We decided we were gonna call Amber from outside her front window and tell her that her dad's house was on the news and to look outside.  She did and we waved at her and she was so surprised... it was great.  So we drove around, almost getting lost in Avon Lake trying to find the beach and realized everything in Avon Commons was closed.  Then I needed gas really bad and so we stopped at the station and filled up my tank.  That's when Steve stopped talking to us.  I'm still not exactly what happened, or why he wasn't talking to us, but he wasn't.  It really upset me, cuz I thought for sure he would tell me what was bothering him, but he wouldn't say a word.  It kind of hurt me.  So we got back to Amber's Dad's house and layed outside looking at the stars for a while until we left for home.  On the ride home Steve didn't say one word to me and I kind of got upset by that.  I mean, it was probably because I hadn't been having a very good week at all and had a lot on my mind, but for some reason when I got home I just started crying.  I realized that a lot of things were not so great in my life right now, and just felt really overwhelmed.  That's when I wrote my last blog entry.  So, I'm really sorry Steve if I upset you.  I didn't mean too.  I just had a lot on my mind, like you said you did as well.  I emailed Alison like I always do when I'm upset and went to bed upset.
   Monday morning I woke up around 8, still kind of in a bad mood, but I've found I'm very good at hiding when I'm upset, because I suck at talking to people about how I'm feeling, so no one really knew how upset I'd been the night before.  Leila picked me up around 8:45 for my first day of golf tryouts.  We got there around 9 for a meeting and then teed of at 10:15.  I was in the third group playing with Becky and Katie Pando.  I thought I had a pretty good group, even though I didn't play too well.  Becky is hilarious, and so much fun to play with, I love her to death.  I ended up beating both girls, but it was very close.  We didn't get out of golf til around 1:30 so Catey, Leila, and I went to Taco Bell for lunch cuz by that time we were starving.  Afterwards we stopped at Sam's house cuz she decided not to golf this year because of her new job at Subway.  I was definitely not happy she's wasn't playing, but whatever makes her happy.  I came home and showered and stuff and then called Sara.  I hadn't talked to Sara since her birthday on Wednesday and that was only for like 10 minutes so I was feeling very Sara-deprived.  haha.  Plus I still had her birthday present to give her.  So I went over to her house, expecting only to stay for like 20 minutes at the most and I ended up staying for like 3 hours.  She loved her present, which was exciting, and we talked in her backyard for a while.  Conclusion: Sara has the best and prettiest backyard of anyone I know.  Then her mom asked me to stay for dinner so I did and we ate french toast and I got to meet her brother.  He seems to be a pretty cool guy.  Then Sara and I went for a walk around her neighborhood, which I hadn't done since like 7th grade, and talked about like everything.  I always feel better after talking to Sara.  Thanks girl, I love you so much.  After spending a much longer time than I ever expected too at her house, I left and came home.  I read some more of my new book I'm reading, "The Lovely Bones", which is incredibly awesome and I totally recommend it to anyone who hasn't already read it.  Then I went to bed.
   Wow, I just realized that I've been blogging for the last hour and I'm starting to get cramps in my hands so this last paragraph will be shorter I promise.  Today is Tuesday and also the second day of my golf tryouts.  I promised Amber the night before, oh yea I forgot I talked to Amber on the phone Monday night for like 2 hours like we always do and I promised her I'd take her out for lunch during her break from band at noon today.  So I was hoping when I got to golf that I would be in one of the first groups going off today so I wouldn't be late too pick her up.  Yunker actually put me in the first group going off which was good because I was done early, but that also meant that I was with Ashley and Celeste, which happen to be the two best girls on the team.  We all sucked though.  And when I say sucked, I do mean sucked.  None of us were motivated at all.  I don't even want to post my score, it was that bad.  It only lost to Celeste by one stroke though, so at least I wasn't the only one that sucked.  I still have a problem with slicing to the right, and now it's really starting to irritate me.  We got off around 11:30 and I swear I saw this kid from camp sitting at one of the tables at the clubhouse.  This particular kid cared for me A LOT and I basically counldn't stand him, so I wasn't real excited to see him.  I think Amber's the only one who understands this one.  haha.  At least he didn't say anything to me.  So I drove to band after golf and was real excited cuz David Essi was there picking up his sister from soccer and I haven't seen him since like Christmas.  Or at least really talked to him since then.  I love David so much, he's like my brother, we grew up together.  So I was so excited to see him and get to talk to him for a little bit.  Me and Amber decided we wanted KFC chicken and McDonald's fries for lunch so that's exactly what we got.  It was great- we're so cool.  haha.  I took Amber back to band and then came home and now I've been sitting her forever typing up this stupid blog that I've been meaning to type for the last 7 days.  But now I'm at least up to date and you know why I was so upset Sunday night.  Or at least you kind of know.  I still don't even know.  Oh well.  Oh, and I got another email from Alison today and I almost started crying again... but I didn't.  I miss her so much, I wish she was here.  But I really think it's a real possiblitly that I might get to go visit her next summer in Australia for like a month which would be amazing.  What could be better than surfing and laying on the beach for a month with my best friend and hundreds of cute Aussie boys.  haha. 
   Ok, I think I'm finally done with this long entry.  Time to shower and get ready for voice lessons that I'm not looking forward too.  I love you all.  Comment please.

*The presents just a pleasant interruption to the past*

   How does God work?  I mean really, I know He wants me to be happy, and that everything happens for a reason... but there are some things going on in my life right now that I really don't understand.  And they're not necessarily good things either.  It just seems like one night I'm going to bed really happy and excited for the next day to start and the next night I'm going to bed depressed thinking... why bother?  I hate it.  Let's just say, life kinda sucks right now.  Nothing ever goes right.  Nothing or nobody ever lives up to my expectations and I'm sick of it.  I don't understand, God.  Why do you do these things to me?  Why do you make me cry?
   I'm sure you've all noticed my bi-polarness by my blog entries by now.  One entry is all happy about how much I love my friends and my life and how things couldn't possibly be any better. Then theres entries like this one where I'm all sad and depressed and I feel like there's no one in the world that could possibly understand.  I hate that.  I hate the feeling like no one in the world wants to listen, or even cares what your thinking about, or what your talking about.  People dissapoint me. 
   Am I a mean person?  Honestly, I know I'm gonna get tons of people saying, "No, miller, of course your not."  But seriously, I think I am, and that makes me upset.  I don't mean to hurt people, and I feel really bad when I do.  Most of the time I'm just playing around and goofing off and I think that really hurts people sometimes and I'm really sorry if I've ever done that to you.  I think I just don't know how to express my feelings very well.
   So back to my original question, how does God work?  Why is He hurting me like this?  It just seems like everything this summer turns out the wrong way.  Or the complete opposite way I expected, or wanted.  People left me, people hurt me, things got ruined, I cried.  I think I've cried more this summer than I ever have in my entire life.  Please, God, help me understand.  I realize You work in mysterious ways... but help me to understand those ways.  I just need one thing in my life to go right.  Just one.  I need a miracle.   

   This seriously, had to be one of the best days I've had in a long time.  It didn't start out too well, but it got tons better.  I woke up at 7 am cuz I had to babysit at 7:45.  So I showered and stuff and then went to work.  When I got there I had to tell them that this would be my last week babysitting because of golf starting next week.  She didn't seem too pleased... but she thanked me for letting her know if advance and she told me she kind of knew this would come eventually.  So I guess it wasn't too bad.  The little girl didn't take it too well though.. she was kind of upset.  At least I know I'm loved there.  Anyway, since the girls were already up when I got there, I didn't have much of a nap time in the morning.  They got bored quick so by 10:00 they were ready to play.  I ended up playing barbies for the next like 5 hours.  I just had to keep telling myself... 3 more days... 3 more days.  I think I really am gonna miss the girls though. They're so adorable when they're being good.  And of course I'll miss the money. 
   So I ended up calling Ligaya around 11 and cancelling my voice lessons.  I felt kind of bad, but that's the last thing I feel like doing when I get home from a long day.  So I just kind of hung around here and tried to get people to go to Kent with me to visit my band kids.  That's when I started feeling really depressed.  It just seemed to me, in my head of course, that I didn't have any friends.  Now, of course I know that's not true, but don't you ever get that feeling when no one wants to do anything that its just because no one wants to go with you.  I get that a lot actually.  I just have to keep telling myself that I have tons of wonderful friends who love me.  Conclusion: I get down on myself too easily.  So it ended up that just Rania and I were gonna go.  Which was fine with me, I love Rania.  I just would have liked to get a big group together.  Oh well.  So I showered (again) because there was no air conditioning in the babysitting house today and I felt gross.  I even did my hair all pretty and stuff before I left. 
   I went to pick up Rania around 6:50 and she wasn't ready so I went inside while she finished getting ready.  *Her mom is so adorable... ps*  When she was finally ready we met Amber's mom at her house and followed her all the way to Kent.  It was like an hour and 15 minute drive... one of the longest I've actually driven... but it didn't seem that way.  Rania and I had a great time.  She is so hilarious.  We talked about like everything under the sun and sang Dashboard songs and made fun of the little shops and stuff in Kent.  It was great.  Oh yea, and Tony called me on the way down there and told me to look for his name on some bench or something.  Tony's a little weird... but you gotta love him :) 
   By the time we actually got to the college, the kids still had another 45 minutes on the field before we could talk to them so we left and went down the street to Arby's.  We made some cool college friends with the workers and met this super hot guy and used the really gross bathrooms and then went back to the college.  haha.. good times.  After waiting like 10 more minutes for the kids to finish up, it was like we were swarmed with friends.  It was such a good feeling, especially after feeling kind of down all day.  I hadn't realized how many of my friends were actually IN band.  I got huge hugs from Amy, Amber, Steve, Mandi, Danielle, Anthony, and probably lots of others but I can't remember right now cuz I'm super tired.  So Rania and I got in my car and drove to the dorms where we visited them in the lobby for like 40 minutes.  And I got two really weird messages from Steve on the way to the dorm saying something about my cool message on my voicemail ;)  I like my message!!  He wants me to change it.. and maybe I will after some day when he admits that he really did call to say he loves me *wink, wink* 
   Anyway, so we went inside and talked to all the band kids and had an amazing time cuz we both felt so loved.  Everyone was so happy to see us.  I gave Steve a backrub... he really needed one.. and we played MOW for a while til it got boring.  Then I got to talk to Anthony for like 15 minutes.  That was like the highlight of my night.  He used to be my best friend for the longest time and I hadn't talked to him in like forever.  I miss him so much.  I love him to bits and I hope we hang out before summer ends cuz he's like my brother.  And now he's even like 2 inches taller than me.. it's crazy!  So we ended up saying goodbye to everyone around 10:45 and left. 
   The ride home was quite interesting.  We weren't following Amber's mom considering she had left around 9:15 so we just kind of winged it.  We got a little lost and went too far and had to stop and ask the Dairy Mart people for directions... that was kind of funny.  Then we laughed so hard we almost peed ourselves like the whole way home.  We decided we were on a "love high" from all the love we got at band camp.  It was great.  We'd go back again this week, if it wasn't an hour and a half drive!  I finally ended up getting home around 12:15.  It was a great night, thanks Rania.. love you girl! 
   So even though today didn't start out too great... it ended wonderfully and so I'm in a pretty good mood.  Not sure what I'm doing tomarrow.. but I know I have a golf clinic at 2 :/  so I'm gonna go to bed.  Goodnight everyone... sweet dreams.  Comment with love.

**Special birthday shoutouts to my cousin Leah whose birthday was today (Tues.) and to Sara who's sweet 16 is tomorrow!!!  I love you so much girls!!

   "Man it takes a silly girl to lie about the dreams she has.  Man it takes a lonely one to wish that she had never dreamt at all..."
   Today was one of those days where I just kind of felt lonely.  I hate band camp.  Probably not nearly as much as the people that are actually IN band... but I hate the fact that all my friends are at band camp.  I don't have anyone to hang around with.  This sucks.  Even my friends that aren't at band camp are either working or on vacation.  I think I already whined about this yesterday... but it really does stink.  Conclusion: I need to stop whining. 
   Anyway, my day started around noon when I woke up.  I went downstairs and ate another turkey sandwich just like yesterday.  Then I was laying on the couch being a bum when my mom told me I needed to go to the mall to pick up a birthday present for my cousin.  So I called Leila to see if she wanted to go with me but she was busy and then I called Mihok to see if she wanted to go but she couldn't leave her house cuz he dad wasn't home yet.  So I became a loner (like Tony.. he would so make fun of me for this cuz I always give him a hard time about it) and I went to the mall by myself.  It wasn't too bad I suppose... just kind of boring.  I didn't even run into anyone I knew.  Oh well.  So I picked up my cousin's present which I can't say what it is cuz she'll probably read this before she gets it... so I hope you like it Leah!!  Then I shopped around for like an hour and bought some other birthday presents that I had been meaning to pick up and when I ran out of money I left.  Yea, I know, kinda sad. 
   I stopped and got gas in my car on the way home... and it only cost me $14.11 so I was excited.  Then I came home and started Sara's birthday present which I hope she likes cuz it's taking me a real long time to get it all together!  When my dad came home, me, my mom and dad left to go golfing.  I ended up meeting Leila, Catey, and Sam at the course and we played 9.  It was cool.  Actually, it was real hot so we got a little tired and skipped a couple holes but... shhh... don't tell anyone ;)  I did pretty good except my ball kept going to the right again and I still can't figure out why.  It's really making me angry though.  Oh yea, and I lost my cell phone.  It scared me so much and I almost started crying cuz my dad would totally kill me if I couldn't find it.  So we drove around in the golf carts and looked for it and finally found it laying on the cart path.  Thank you God!!  It's a good thing no one was behind us otherwise it probably would have been stolen or smashed.  So I prayed and thanked St. Anthony for his help (the patron saint of finding lost things).  We finished our game and then I drove home.  I ended up scoring a 55 which isn't bad, however some of it was kind of made up. 
   When I got home I had a phone message from Yunker telling me about tryouts for golf next week at 9 am (yikes!) and then I have two clinics this week.. on Wednesday at 2, and Thursday at 4.  Hopefully Zvara will be there and he can help me with my tendency of going right.  Yunker's not very good at helping me with my swing.  Then my parents brought me home pizza from Olde Town cuz I was real hungry.. I really hadn't eaten all day except that turkey sandwich I had around noon.  After my "dinner", Amber's mom called me and asked me to get a group together to go up to Kent State tomarrow to visit Amber at band camp.  So I called Rania who said she could go and Sara who said she couldn't cuz of her "vacation".  But it was nice talking to Sara cuz I hadn't talked to her in a while.  She always makes me smile :)  Mihok was at work so hopefully she'll get home and call me soon.  I called Lex too, but she has soccer.  I was gonna call Cerny.. but I kinda forgot, so I'll just call him tomorrow.  Right now it's just Rania and me, which I really don't mind but I'm sure Amber would want more than two people. 
   I'm still trying to find someone to drive up to Port Clinton to visit Sara on Wednesday night with me.  I really wanna see her on her birthday, but I'm not allowed to go by myself so if anyone wants to go... let me know.  Anyway, so today was alright I suppose.  Nothing really special.  Oh, I did get two messages that made me smile.  First I got an email from Alison... so that's always exciting.  And I didn't cry this time.. so maybe I'm starting to get better.  And second, I got a message from Drol saying he was gonna be my stripper... that was kind of interesting... but it made me laugh.  That kid's hilarious.  So that's pretty much it, tomorrow I have to babysit so I should probably go to bed.  I think I'm gonna cancel singing lessons tomorrow cuz I just really don't feel like going.  I know I only have 2 more til the "recital" but I don't care.  I just don't feel like singing tomorrow.  Conclusion: I can't wait til my friends come back.  Going to bed now.  Sweet Dreams.  Comment if you love me ;)  or even if you don't :(  haha... love you.

*I was just about to get over you... or so I thought.  Then you smiled at me... and the butterflies returned.*

   Today was such a boring day.  Not necessarily a bad day... just kinda blah.  I woke up around noon and watched cartoons with my sister.  Then I ate chips with this fresh salsa that my aunt made and it was really REALLY hot.  I mean, my mouth was burning and my eyes were watering.  It was horrible.  I must of ate like the whole loaf of bread to make my mouth stop burning!  When I finally got over my little hot flash, I went upstairs to try to finish this book I've been trying to read like all summer.  But I never ever have time to read it so since I had nothing better to do today I just sat and read.  The book is called "Big Mouth and Ugly Girl" and it is amazing.  I think I've written about it before, but serisously, I recommend it to anyone.  It's such a great story. 
   So I got like 5 chapters away from the end when my dad told me to get dressed... this was around 5:00 pm mind you... and we went golfing.  We went to Fox Creek and it was completely empty because I guess people don't usually golf on Sunday evenings??  So I really wanted to play the front 9 cuz I'm so much better and the front than the back but the guy who was working the clubhouse told us he was only sending people off the back 9 today so we had to play the back.  That was kind of dissapointing but I suppose it didn't really matter.  So my Dad and I played and we both sucked.  My dad scored a 43 and I scored a 64.  Yunker won't be too pleased at this... considering I should be scoring in the low 50's at least.  It was kind of funny though because whatever I did I could not get my ball to go left so one time on like the 6th hole I got super frusterated and just whacked the ball and I accidently hit a goose.  Oops.  It was really funny, even though I felt kinda bad.  However, after my little goose accident, I played the last 2 holes really well.  Conclusion: Maybe I should hit geese more often.  So overall I think me and my dad had a pretty good time.  I originally invited Tony to go with us, but he couldn't cuz he had to "work".  haha.  I think he's just scared to death of my dad.  I really don't know why but a lot of my guy friends are really intimidated by my dad.  I think it's kinda funny, cuz I really don't see why.  haha
   Anyway, after we golfed we went to Subway then came home and I showered and got super bored again.  Like all of my friends were busy tonight.  They were either working, out of town, or at band camp.  *Except Matt and Jourdan which I later learned.. haha*  So I went and got a pint of Ben and Jerry's "Chunky Monkey" ice cream... which is my absolute favorite ice cream ever... and finally finished my book.  The ending was really good, so I was excited.  You really should read it.  Then I decided to watch "Win a Date with Tad Hamilton".  You know, I really need to stop watching these "happy ending/girl always gets the guy she wants" movies.  They always depress me.  Nobody can ever relate to them because that stuff never ever happens in real life.  Maybe when I grow up I'll write a movie about real stuff.  Stuff people can actually relate too.  However, this movie was really cute, although very predictable, so it was all good. 
   So that was pretty much the extent of my day.  Boring, I know.  I think I'm going golfing again tomorrow and hopefully I'll play much better than I did today.  If anyone ever wants to go golfing some night, give me a call cuz I really need the practice and I'd love to go with you ;)  Alright, I think I'm gonna go see if anyone's online to talk too, cuz I really haven't talked to anyone all day.  Goodnight everyone, I wish you sweet dreams.  Comment if you'd like.

 

   ...and this awkward kiss that tells of other people's lips
               will be of service to giving you a.w.a.y...

   Conclusion: This summer has been amazing.  Sara and I came to this conclusion today while we were laying in Amber's driveway looking at the 7 stars that were in the sky tonight.  Your probably wondering why Sara and I were laying in Amber's driveway tonight looking at the sky... well... let's start with this morning, and I'm sure I'll get there eventually. 
   This morning I was awakened by Miss Mihok calling aroun 11:15 am.  I wasn't very happy considering I really wanted to sleep til at least 12:30, but it's all good.  I still love you Mihok.  Anyway, the reason for Mihok's wake-up call was finding out whether or not we were gonna go to Cedar Point today.  After like 20 minutes of contemplating whether or not we wanted to drive out there, or whether or not it was gonna rain, we decided to go.  So I threw on some jeans and a shirt and ran to the bank so I could have money.  Then I picked up Mihok around 12:30 and we drove out to Cedar Point.  We had some interesting conversations in the car about theatre stuff (Mihok's on council so she gives me all the scoop... hehe) and I was saying how I really wanted a position on council my senior year and she thinks I should run for president.  I'm not so sure about that one, however.  Don't get me wrong, I would absolutely love nothing more than to be president of the theatre company, but I don't know if I'm president material.  And plus I don't want people to end up hating me by the end of the year, because that tends to happen a lot with presidents.  I guess I still have a whole year to think about it. 
   Well, we eventually got to Cedar Point and had to park all the way out in BFE cuz it was super crowded.  We also found out that it wasn't raining but it was super hot.  I mean it was that sticky, muggy, humid, no breeze kind of hot.  Not good.  We waited 45 minutes for the Blue Streak *still not sure why we did that*, then ate mini corn dogs and french fries where I accidently spilled ketchup all over her foot, that was kind of funny.  Afterwards we rode Wicked Twister where we ran into Melissa and Lindsay.  That was kind of cool.  We talked with them for a while and then rode Ocean Motion *not a good idea after mini corn dogs and french fries* and then rode the Power Tower.  By that time we were hot and gross feeling so we rode the Skyride to the front of the park and got Dippin Dots and left.  We really only ended up riding 5 rides, but it was still fun and at least my mom's not on me about not using my pass.
   So I got home around 5:00 and my family had gone to church so I layed on my bed and watched "Au Pair" until 6:00 when I went to meet my family at Bob Evan's for dinner.  I was really excited because Mike Andorka was our waiter and I haven't seen him in forever so that was exciting.  Then I came home and decided to try to finish my book when Amber called and asked if I wanted to come over for a while since she leaves for band camp tomorrow :(  I said I would as soon as I showered cuz I still smelled from CP.  So I showered and grabbed some popsicles and went to Amber's.  Me, Amber, Sara, Cerny, Lizzy, Rania , and Teresa hung out for a while and watched the end of "Princess Diaries", played Mario, and talked about random stuff.  Then it was really funny because Amber asked Lizzy to go outside with her and then came back in and got Cerny and brought him outside and Me, Sara, Rania, and Teresa couldn't figure out what they were doing and were coming up with these crazy ideas when we decided that Amber was killing us slowly one by one and we got scared and tried to spy on them but it didn't work cuz we were laughing way too hard.  Amber's mom gave us really weird looks and it was hilarious.  We later found out she wasn't really killing them but just talking to them and it was funny.  This is when Sara and I went outside in Amber's driveway and counted 7 stars in the sky which was kind of dissapointing cuz there were lots of clouds.  Then Amber and Lizzy came outside and scared the crap out of us, not intentionally of course, and I swear I almost had a heart attack.  But it was all good.  Oh yea, and me and Sara decided we were gonna do a duet pantomime for Theatre State Conference this year so that was exciting.  We also decided we were gonna go visit Amber at band camp possibly with her mom so that would be cool too.  Lots of things were decided tonight.
   That was pretty much the extent of my day except when I came home my mom and I decided I was only going to be able to work for one more week and then I'm gonna have to quit my babysitting job because of golf.  It's gonna really suck not getting paid :(  I'm gonna be a poor kid again.  It was nice having money while it lasted I guess, I really don't want a job during the school year cuz I'd really like to concentrate on my school work and theatre. 
   Sara's birthday is Wednesday and I'd really like to do something awesome for her but she's going on "vacation" so I don't know.  Maybe I'll go up and visit her on Wednesday considering she's just going up near Lakeside.  I love Sara, so Wednesday... everyone should wish her a very happy birthday!! 
   Ok, I'm tired and I'm gonna go to bed.  I get to play golf with my dad tomorrow and I'm excited cuz we're gonna play at Fox Creek and I haven't played there since last season.  Goodnight everyone and I hope you have beautiful dreams.  All my band kids-- I hope you have "not a horrible" time at band camp.  I love you all and I'll miss you while your gone.  Sweet Dreams... comment please.


...but what you don't know is that you could have come back
               and I would have been waiting...

   Don't you love feeling loved??  I know I do.  Today I felt very loved.  I got to sleep in til 8 today, which is actually very late for a work day, however I was still tired.  I was supposed to take my sister with me this morning, but she wouldn't get out of bed so I ended up just going by myself.  I got there and actually didn't fall asleep on their couch.  I think it was because I got that extra hour of sleep.  And it's a good thing I didn't fall asleep because around 10:00 this HUGE *and when I say HUGE I really do mean HUGE* spider crawled on the couch.  This thing had to be as big as the palm of my hand at least.  I screamed and scared the girls half to death.  We ended up getting this metal shovel from outside to kill it because I refused to get within 5 feet of this thing.  But I was brave and I killed it and I was very proud of myself!  haha 
   Soon after the burial of the poor spider I went to pick up my sister so she could come over and play with the girls.  She came over and she was in quite the bad mood, so that didn't make me very happy.  We ended up watching the "That's So Raven" marathon on the Disney channel for like 4 hours.  I really didn't mind though cuz that show cracks me up and I got to lie on the couch all day.  Plus the fact that I got like 6 phone calls in that 4 hours made me feel very loved.  That's one of the reasons I felt very loved today, was all the phone calls I received.  Oh yes, and I also got paid today but not as much as I usually do since I'm only working 4 days a week now instead of 5.  And it kind of sucks because my cell phone bill was way over again this month and my dad's making me pay for it so I have barely any spending money for this week.  Conclusion: Some people are addicted to AIM, I'm addicted to my cell phone. 
   So after work I drove over to Amber's, picked her up, and drove to visit the Kernohans.  I love Alison's family.  They are so adorable.  They were also so happy to see us, which is yet another reason why I felt loved today.  I finally gave her mom the pottery Alison made the day before she left and she cried and I comforted her cuz I'm good at that kind of stuff and also because I love her mom to bits.  We sat and talked to the family for a while and then left.  When I dropped Amber off and came home I was super rushed cuz it was like 6:15 and I had to meet Tony at the golf course at 7.  I scarfed down a turkey sandwich and ran out the door.  The sky was kind of dark and I was praying it wouldn't rain cuz I really need the golf practice considering tryouts are next week.  We got a cart and started out.  We got through the first 4 holes when it started pouring and we took a rain check.  The rain was hard but beautiful and I wouldn't have minded staying out in the rain, but not golfing, that's never fun.  Oh yea, and I discovered that Tony couldn't drive a ball for the life of him (haha, sorry Tony but it's true) but he has a really awesome short game.  And I can drive the crap out of a ball but my short game sucks so we decided we were gonne start getting people together and play together as a team and we would rock!  haha... it was great. 
   So after I left the golf course completely soaking wet, I came home and ate these totally awesome chocolate chip cookies.  I mean, these cookies were amazing.  haha... I know, I'm like the biggest dork ever, but I don't care.  Then Mihok and Sara called and we decided to go see "The Village" at Amherst at 9:45.  Or at least we thought it started at 9:45, when really we got there and the sign said 9:30... oops.  We got tickets and went in and the theatre was PACKED!  We couldn't even find 3 seats together, it was crazy.  So we found 2 seats next to each other and 1 seat behind them and Mihok and I sat together while Sara sat behind us.  Then she ended up giving up her seats to another couple and she moved down the aisle from us.  I felt so bad.  I really didn't want her to have to sit by herself, but she didn't seem to mind too much.  I still wish we could have sat together, I'm real sorry Sara.  Anyway, the movie was really dumb.  The plot stunk, and it wasn't even that scary.  It was also super confusing.  I was really dissapointed cuz I thought it was gonna be real good and I was really excited to see it.  Seriously, if you haven't seen it yet, don't.  It wasn't even worth the $3 I payed at Amherst. 
   So we left the movie and as I was driving Sara and Mihok home, we had interesting conversations.  We were listening to the song from the Disney movie "Hercules", called "I Won't Say I'm in Love" and Sara was saying how it was describing my feelings at the moment.  She's probably right, but I'm still determined to get my mind off this boy.  Oh, and we also determined that I need to join a "Popsicles Awareness" group because I eat too many popsicles when I'm upset or stressed out.  She's probably right about that one too, but I still really like popsicles!! 
   Alright, well I'm gonna go for the night because I'd like to email Alison before I go to bed.  I still really miss her, and every time I see her family or anything that reminds me of her I start to tear up.  I hope she's having a good time in Australia.. she better be cuz if not I'm making her come home!!  Just kidding.  Goodbye for now, lovers.  Comment please.

*I won't say I'm in love...



... at least out loud...*

   Hello lovers.  I promise today's entry won't be nearly as long as yesterdays.  After going to bed at 2:15 am and having to wake up at 7:30 am to babysit... I'm exhausted and need to go to bed earlier tonight. 
   So, don't you love when you set your alarm in the morning but your dad still comes in like half an hour before your alarm goes off and wakes you up.  That definitely happened to me today.  I mean, I know he means well, but that extra 30 minutes of sleep means a lot when your running around with little kidlins all day.  However, the kindlins came to my house to play today.. so I basically got up and was awake when they got here, but they played with my sister so I got to sleep til like 11.  It was great.  I love my sister!  When they woke me up around 11 we played with the easy bake oven and then got McDonalds happy meals for lunch.  Conclusion: I need to start eating better again. 
   This afternoon the girls played some more with  my sister while I got to paint my nails and talk online and stuff I never usually get to do during the day.  Then I took them home around 3:30 and took another nap.  Oh yea, and I also downloaded "The Places You have come to Fear the Most" *the whole cd* offline and now I know why everyone says it's their favorite.  It's such a great cd.  If you like Dashboard you should listen to "This Ruined Puzzle" and "The Brilliant Dance".  The lyrics are amazing.  Anyway, I ate some more after my mom came home from the store and then went with Mihok and Amber to the American Idol concert in Cleveland.  haha... I know... we're losers.. but the tickets were free from Amber's mom's work or something and it was actually a pretty good show.  We all decided that Jon Peter Lewis is gorgeous.  (He's now my backdrop on my computer!) 
   Ok, that was kind of weird.  My mom just came in my room and asked me if I was ok cuz I seem really down lately.  Actually, I thought I'd been in a pretty good mood lately.  Definitely strange. 
   Sorry... that was kind of random.  So anyway, I got home from the concert around 10:15 ish and got online and talked to some people I haven't seen in a long time.  OH YEA... I forgot to tell you that when I got out of the car at Amber's today, Joe and Leila were driving by and Joe yelled MEGAN really loud out the window and it was real cool cuz I haven't seen him in forever and I miss him.  Geez... I'm being really random today.  This entry is kind of not in any order at all... sorry bout that.  I think I'm just gonna go to bed now.  This could be a sign that I'm not getting nearly enough sleep.  Have a good night with sweet dreams and leave a comment please.